My very first experience of BDSM

This is going to be quite difficult to write. Mostly because it’s emotionally draining but also because my memories of the event are kind of fragmented. To some what I have to tell might be considered sexual abuse of a child. As the child in question I can assure you that there was no abuse whatever. In fact it was one of the most tender and loving experience of my life.

I was eleven or twelve I think, I have a hard time placing this in the right year.The memory is also a bit fragmented, split into shots that I have edited to describe as truthfully as possible what transpired. It was summer and my family was at the cottage that we shared with my mothers brothers and their families. Also living nearby for the summer was another family. A family that was quite close to ours  and that’s all I’ll say about them. It’s enough that you can identify me. The others shall remain anonymous. Their daughter, let’s call her Marit, was sixteen or seventeen. I met her once or twice a year and she was something of role model for me and has remained until this day. She looked like any teen girl, maybe a bit taller than most, a pretty brunet with slender sun kissed legs. Yes, I did notice how girls looked, I’ve admired the female body as long as I can remember.

This day our and hers parents were in the woods picking berries or something. Anyway they were not in the immediate vicinity. Marit, my brother and I were playing near some older buildings when it started to rain and we ran into an outbuilding to take shelter.It was a “bagarstuga” a house with a big oven used mainly to bake bread and taking care of whatever wildlife was in season. It also had a room that was originally a room for transient workers but that was now just full of broken furnitures and the like. The building was big enough to have a small attic. Marit suggested that we should play cowboys and Indians but in a slightly new way. Marit was to be a farmers wife that was home alone baking bread. My brother and me was two bandits that came rushing in with drawn pistols demanding that she give us the gold that we know was hidden in the house.

It started out in the usual way with shouts of  “Hands up!” and waving of guns. It soon became clear that Marit wouldn’t tell us where the gold was, however much we threatened her with our guns. We were quite bewildered about what to do next when Marit suggested that we should tie her up.   There was some rope lying on a table by the window. I grabbed the rope and was about to tie her hands when Marit said. “No, no, let’s do it properly and in a smaller room.”.  Marit led us into a cupboard under the attic stairs. It turned out to be too small for the three of us so Marit lay down on the floor at the foot of the attic stairs and showed us how to tie her by tying her ankles in a simple but effective way. I had a “Morakniv” a knife, and she told me to cut the rope. Which I did and then started to tie her hands like she had tied her ankles. My brother was just looking on, there really wasn’t room on the floor for him too. Marit was now tied up but still wouldn’t tell us where the gold was. She suggested that she might be forced to tell us if we tortured her a bit, maybe by tickling her. Now my brother could also take part, he attended to her feat while I tried to tickle her at the waist and under the arms. And still she wouldn’t reveal the location of the treasure. After we gave up on that “torture” Marit suggested that we could unbutton the top of her blouse.I was intrigued and curious but my brother just mumbled something and fled the field.

I was about to start the unbuttoning with slightly trembling hands when Marit told me it would be easier if her hands were tied behind her back.This I did as if I was an experienced bondage master.Marit was now sitting up with her back against the wall and once again I reached out for that mysterious thing under her blouse. Marit laughed quietly, “No wait a bit. Someone might come, let’s go up to the attic”.

By now I had realized that this was no ordinary playing of cowboys and Indians but something far more interesting and exciting. The rope around her ankles was hard to loosen so I cut it with my knife.As I helped her to her feet Marit grabbed the roped that remained on the floor and started up the narrow staircase. She was wearing a pair of shorts that was rather short for the early 60’s. I can still see, in my minds eye, the long, slim, brown legs, the round ass and the hands tied behind her back. A sight I enjoyed even at that tender age.

The attic was almost empty, just a few boxes and some junk, and under the grimy window a thin horse hair mattress. Marit lay down on the mattress and smiled at me.I knelt on the mattress beside her and I could hardly breathe as with unsteady fingers I got the blouse open. She had a bra as did all girls then, I know now that Marit’s breast was just a bit bigger than average. But to me then they were really big, the first breasts I’d seen up close and they were wonderful! I just stared at them and at Marit’s smiling face. “You can pull down the bra”.At first I was a bit confused but soon realized that if I should accomplish that without untying her hands I would have to pull down the arms of the blouse. Marit had her eyes closed and still the same calm smile on her lips as I clumsily pulled her blouse so it was at her tied hands behind her back. Marit was very cooperative in moving her body to make it easier. Her bra was a simple white one, and Marit taught me how to unhook it in the back as she turned on her stomach to facilitate the unhooking after  which she once more turned on her back. The tied hands and her arched back made her breasts all the more prominent. I lifted her bra and exposed them – the most wonderful, beautiful sight I ever beheld. At first I just stared at them, The whiteness of the soft mounds against her sun bronzed shoulders, the nipples that were brown and raised. Marit gave me an encouraging nod and I laid my hands on them. I’d never experienced anything like it. They were soft yet firm and I felt the nipples harden. I felt a new kind of excitement, a feeling that this was so right so perfect.

I didn’t really know what to do but started kind of kneading them. I must have done something right as Marit began breathe in a different way and her cheeks were turning red. “Harder” she said “remember that you should torture me!” I’d completely forgotten that as I admired her charms. So I started squeezing her breasts harder, and as her breathing got faster and a blush began spreading from her neck down her chest I handled her breasts harder and harder. On an impulse I pinched her nipples and she answered with a mumbled “Yes, that’s good, yes”. Encouraged I continued my experiments, Sometimes squeezing  the wonderful breasts, sometimes I pinched her nipples. pulled on them and shook the breasts. All this had of course made me rather exited. Not in a way that I a few years later would recognise as testosterone induced horniness. But nevertheless I can now see that it was a sexual feeling, a deep and certain feeling. A sexuality that I haven’t felt since, not until I started on oestrogen and testo inhibitors. Marit’s breathing became faster and faster and her hips began to move up and down. At first I was a bit scared, but somehow i realized that it wasn’t because she was ill in any way, but that this was she wanted. I intensified my “torture” and added  some slapping to my repertoire. Marit began moaning and then utter small screams. “Harder, please” “Yes! More!” Until her body first was trashing around even more and then relaxed. Marit smiled happily at me and whispered “Thank you.”

After a few minutes when we both were silent Marit said softly, “You can untie me now.” After her hands were untied and she had her clothing more or less in order she laid her hands on my shoulders, gave me a chaste kiss on the cheek. “What we just did wasn’t wrong in any way. I enjoyed it and I think you did too. I am what’s called a masochist. I enjoy being bound and I like the pain very much. Many people can’t understand this and think it’s very wrong so it’s best if we don’t tell anyone about this. But remember that it’s never wrong to do what you feel is necessary for you, as long as you don’t hurt anyone. And don’t judge some one else because they don’t act as is expected.” This may not be her exact words but the meaning is there. Just before we went out into the mundane world Marit hugged me, kissed my forehead and once again whispered “Thank you”.

In hindsight I can see that the ropes and the mattress didn’t just happen to be there. The scene was obviously arranged by Marit. I also seem to remember a small basket of clothes pins right beside the mattress. Today I realize to what purpose they could have been used.If he set up was for me, someone else or for some self play I’ll never know. But I’m incredibly thankful that the scene was there and ready to be used.

Did this have any effect on my later sex life? Of course it did. Whether it is the reason behind my BDSM needs I don’t know. I’d like to think that what it did was giving me an open mind in general and a healthy attitude to the needs, urges and desires, both my own and others.

For some reason I didn’t think about this wonderful experience until many years later when I was sexually active. But Marit was some one that I looked up to, admired and had as a sort of role model. We met almost every year until I was about 20, then it became longer in between. But I never talked to her about that day. I decided finally that I wanted to and needed to. But I never got the chance, after a short illness she passed away much to early. I have during the years sometimes wondered what she would do in certain situations. And of course what she would say about my present situation. Maybe she would come with me to Club Wish, a women only fetish/BDSM club in Stockholm? A girl can dream, can’t she? 😉

I’d love comments on this post.

Weirdest Sex Related Accident

Amusing or serious accident are not unknown in vanilla sex. So I figure kinky sex will have even more. I’ll start of with one of my own. To understand it you need to know that I’m a trans woman and when this incident occurred I was still living as a man.

After an unusually long and intense session I ended up on my bed with my cute slave between my legs, her hands tied behind her back giving me a slow, deep blow job. When I finally came it was one of those rare cosmic orgasms. My soul flew out through my skull and joined the universe. I trashed around and managed to hit my head really hard on the brass edge of a bedside table. I was totally gone for a while and when I came too my sub was trying to free her hands. She was worried that I had knocked myself out and needed help at once. I just laughed and figured it was the magnificent orgasm that had made me pass out. But shortly after I started feeling nauseous and soon had to run to the bathroom to vomit. When I came out of the bathroom I was met by a very stern and determined sub, who was now dressed and who held out my clothes. In a tone not at all suited for a slave she said, “Get dressed! We are going to the ER. And we’re going now!” Feeling like I did I didn’t object to her inappropriate behaviour.

The ER was just three blocks away and not very buzzy. I explained what had transpired and doctors and nurses began to smile. Smiles that grew even broader as my sub took of her jacket showing the leather cuffs still around her wrists. But they took the possibility that I had a concussion seriously. I got put in magnetic thingies and had lights shone in my eyes, in short they did everything. The unanimous diagnosis was that I had a mild concussion and should rest for a few days, trying to avoid anything too strenuous. And there were the smiles again.

When we got home we did just that and I fell asleep with my sub holding me in her arms in a very motherly way.

If you are a net veteran you might have seen this story before. I told it on usenet in the mid 90s.
And now over to you. What’s your weirdest sex related accident?

Strawberry Muffs Forever

t was a wonderful balmy day in the summer of 89. A friend, let’s call her Madeline, was taking me to her parents summer house in Sörmland ( an idyllic  part of Sweden) Where she was going to see to the garden.

When we arrived at the lovely, isolated cottage a bout of love making ensued. After which M started pruning the garden in the nude. A lovely sight indeed, but after a while I put on some rudimentary clothing and took a stroll in the surrounding forest. I was hoping to find some blueberries, But to my delight I found an abundance of wild strawberries. When I returned to the cottage M was naked and half asleep on a blanket in the sun.

I gently parted her thighs and proceeded to line her muff lips with wild strawberries, got my camera and took a few shots of the delicious dish. It was such an enticing sight that I didn’t want to disturb it. Just as I was going to do just that M said: “Aren’t you going to eat them? Don’t you like wild strawberries?” . That was all the encouragement I needed. I tried to gently lick them of her but soon they were more or less crushed. The taste and smell of the sweet mixture! It was one of the best fruit dishes I’ve ever had. :-)

A COAT HANGER AND A SOFT BOTTOM

Years ago I had a lover who like me was into BDSM. Our relationship was purely sexual, but oh, what fun we had! She, let’s call her Miranda, was in her early twenties, a Latina with roots in Columbia. She worked as a secretary for a major company and lived with her parents in a villa in the suburbs. We never had any kind of “official relationship”, we just met at my place for some old fashioned BDSM fun.

So I was very surprised when she called me out of the blue a sunny Saturday afternoon in August and asked me to come out to her parents place. I was a bit concerned that she wanted to “take our relationship to another level”. But curios as I am I accepted and took the tube and a bus out in the ‘burbs. She lived in a house from the fifties or there about. I was a bit worried that her parents would be home but they had left for some kind of dinner. Only Miranda and her kid sister were at home. I was seated in a chair by the pool and offered Campari and soda. We sat there for quite a while like some kind of suburban couple talking about nothing really. After an hour or so the kid sister went off to sleep over and we were alone.

It grew a bit chilly and Miranda wanted to put on something warmer than her bikini and asked me to help her chose what to wear. I had no thoughts about BDSM play, well not many anyway, as her parents could come home any time. I followed her into the house and entered her room. It was obvious she hadn’t changed much in it since she was a teenager, pink duvet, fluffy animals and the usual thingies. Miranda was out of her bikini in no time and naked she reached into the closet. I was prepared to give advice re her dress but when she turned around she only had an empty wooden coat hanger in her hands. She went down on her knees before me, holding out the coat hanger for me to take.

Pleasantly surprised I wasted no time in getting her over my knee taking a few moments to admire her round plump ass with both hands and eyes.There was no doubt that she was ready for some play, her breathing, the slight raising of the ass towards me and the glistening wetness between her thighs. I screwed the metal hook off the hanger while I explained to her that today I was going to test her pain threshold. I wasn’t going to stop until she used her safeword “nåd”, mercy. She just nodded her head and raised her ass a bit more. I wasted no time in “warming her up” with caresses and slaps. Just a hard whack with the hanger of the softest, roundest art of her bottom. Not a sound, just a slight shivering of her cheeks. I held back a moment, admiring the beautifuk red stripe on the white skin. Then I started in earnest making a kind of  # pattern on her bottom. All the time Miranda didn’t utter a sound but I could see the tears slowly running down her face. The stripes on her ass was turning into red swollen velts and my carefully created pattern was becoming blurry. Suddenly the hanger broke in two with nasty splinters at the ends. I ordered Miranda to fetch me a new hanger at once , which she did and in no time she was once again across my lap ready and eager for more. And more she got. The red and now also blue velts were beginning to seep drops of blood and I was beginning to get worried about doing some serious injury. So I moved down from her bottom to the top of her thighs and she eagerly wriggled in my lap to get in a better position. I was waiting for her safe word but it was a long time before I suddenly heard her urgently whisper: Mercy!. After a caress across her lovely red, blue and bloody ass I let her get up. “So, you finally had enough?” I said. “Not at all” she said with a smile, “I just heard my parent’s car”. Miranda quickly got into a lose fitting dress, still naked under it. We rushed out to the garden and settled in the chairs with our drinks a few moments before her parents showed up.

We exchanged a few polite and meaningless phrases before Miranda and I took the bus and the subway to my place. A night of tender, soft and careful love making followed.

AN UNEXPECTED THREESOME

It was a few weeks after I hooked up with Ninnie, see a previous post, She was doing some of her washing up in my bathroom when there was a knock on the door. Ninnie not being the least bit bashful went to open dressed in nothing but her knickers. Luckily it wasn’t my parents or daughters at the door but a friend, let’s call her Sue. She was in town and just popped in to ask if I wanted to join her for a drink, I had the camera ready and took this picture. We readily accepted and it became rather late before we decided to call it a night and by that time Sue’s last train had gone so she went home with us. All three of us sleeping in the one bed.

I wasn’t expecting anything exciting to happen so I was drifting off to sleep, I was in the middle, and suddenly I felt Sue’s hand moving across my chest and seconds later Ninnie’s hand further down. In no time we were a tangle of legs, sex organs, mouths and sundry other body parts. After a while it crystallized into a kind of triangle of oral sex with shifting givers and receivers. We were all a bit tipsy and tired and it soon became a slow languid munch fest. Both me and Sue was almost drifting off to sleep, our tongues slowing down. Then suddenly Ninnie cried out: “For gods sake! Please let me come! Please! I have to or I’ll die! Please!” In the munching jumble I had completely forgotten that I told Ninnie the first night that she was never to have an orgasm without my permission. “Come, my lovely slave” I said as I held her face between my hands and ordered her to keep her eyes on mine as Sue brought her to orgasm. It’s something of a miracle to look into the eyes of a woman as she comes, there is nothing quite like it.

We all fell asleep in a tangled heap and woke in the same way. As you might have guessed the girls had agreed before hand what they wanted to happen.

WE FELL IN LOVE DURING THE SHOOTING OF A PORN FLICK

A long, long time ago, back in the late 80s, I produced, and sometimes participated in, porno flicks of the home made kind. With the advent of relatively cheap VHS cameras it was a genre that was just taking off around the world. The money I made was almost zero, but I made sure the women who participated got paid. The guys didn’t get any material rewards. I demanded that all models were checked for HIV. But the main criterion was that everyone involved had a good time. Sometimes the camera wasn’t even turned on. It was a short period, just a year and a half, maybe two, but we made quite a lot of videos. I heard that they even sold well in NY and San Francisco. So if you’re from Sweden or USA and is old enough you might even have seen some of them.

But this post is about one video. a very special one in more ways than one. We were supposed to shoot a video for a private customer with a girl that I hadn’t met before. The crew and the model, let’s call her Ninnie, arrived and it turned out that the customer wasn’t interested any more. What to do now? After a lot of talk back and forth the camera man suggested that we make an SM video with me and Ninnie. He knew that that was just my cup of tea. I was reluctant even if I was attracted to her, for SM play I want a partner who is really willing and who have some idea what she is in for. After I had outlined what I had in mind Ninnie was not only willing, she was eager to try it.

So I got out my SM paraphernalia, ropes, chains and whips hanging from the bar I had in the living room. In front of it a platform with a T-bar. The base story was that Ninnie had been sent to me by some one. We never used more than one video camera shooting continuously so that the action could unfold as smoothly and naturally as possible.

The shooting opened with me on the sofa smoking as Ninnie entered and said that she had been sent to me to learn what it was like to be a slave girl.Pretending boredom I looked her over and told her to strip and then we would see. As she did as she was told I demonstrated my acting skills by still having a slightly blasé expression on my face. When she stood naked before me with her head down I rose and walked around her, inspecting her body. I bounced her tits, pulled lightly on her nipples, felt her bare pussy and gave her ass a good slap before I ordered her to sit on the platform.

I explained that she had one last chance to walk away. If she stayed she would belong completely to me for the next twenty four hours. I would be her owner, body and soul, I would use her as I saw fit. I expected total obedience, If I was dissatisfied with her she would be punished. She might feel the whip, cane or some other of my implements just because I felt like it. If she at any time felt that she absolutely couldn’t take any more she just had to utter her safe word: Mercy, and I would immediately stop what I was doing.  Did she accept these conditions? “Yes” she said in a soft voice, almost a whisper.

OK. Time for her to feel what she had gotten herself into. I ordered her to stand up under the chandelier that hung from the ceiling, put a pair of leather cuffs around her wrists,

lowered the chandelier and unhooked it from the rope it was attached to. I put a short chain between the cuffs and hoisted Ninnie up until she was almost on her tip toes. I walked around her, admiring my new property before picking out what I should use on her. Maybe just a spanking? Finally I decided on a riding crop. I walked around her again, lightly touching her with the crop. She shuddered but remained unmoving. I held her close and caressed her naked body to calm her and gave her a kiss on the nose. But enough with the cuddling. I ordered her to present her back to me. She turned around and I admired the round cheeks of her ass for a few moments before I gave them a resounding crack with the crop. She made a little whimpering sound and jumped a bit but immediately positioned herself before me again. The reddening mark on her ass was beautiful. But as I’m a sucker for symmetry I gave her one more slightly lower down.. Once more her only reaction was a slight jump and a whimper before presenting her ass to me. I fully expected her to use her safe word at this point as she had never been whipped before. As I was standing behind her I couldn’t judge Ninnie’s reaction from her face. I hit her four more times with the crop, each time more forcefully until her ass cheeks had a pattern something like a  # of beautiful red welts.I turned her around and took her into my arms, her head on my shoulder, her tears soaking my shirt.

And now the unexpected and beautiful happened. I took hold of her hair and pulled her head back so I could see her face. It was so beautiful! Tear streaked and happy. We looked deeply into each others eyes for a long while. Then, I don’t to this day know how it happened, we were kissing passionately and I know I was in love. How long this went on I’m not sure.

Finally we were interrupted by the by the camera man: “This is getting to personal. I’ll leave you alone.” We broke the kiss, looked at each other, smiled and at the same time said: “No, we’ll continue.” I was about to release Ninnie when she said: “Please, master, can I stay like this? But a glass of wine and a cigarette would make me ever so grateful.” How could I refuse my beautiful slave her humble request? And I fell even more in love as I helped her to the wine and the cig.

After the short break we continued our session. The camera man still felt embarrassed at witnessing our intense and personal SM play. Culminating much later with Ninnie once again standing up with her breasts bound. While the camera man and I packed down the lights, camera and tripod Ninnie fell asleep on the sofa.

We had a wonderful few months together before her former love, heroin, claimed her back. for weeks I tried to find her but all in vain.I’ll give anything to have her back now. But realistically a heroin addict haven’t survived these twenty odd years. An added irony is that Ninnie was bisexual and would probably have been very comfortable with me as her Mistress.

The video was later deemed illegal due to “olaga våldsskildring” illegal depiction of violence. As one woman in the jury said: “We have to ban it! She is obviously enjoying it!” So what is obscene with two people lovingly enjoy sex, albeit of a kind not practised by everyone. But I sometimes wonder what the woman juror did when she got home. Maybe hubby was in for a surprise.

I wish I could once again experience something like what Ninnie and I had. This time as woman with woman. Then I would be a happy old cougar.

And with that I’ll give you a hint of what’s to come in the next instalment. It might be about an unexpected three some with me, Ninnie and a girl we can call Sanna. Or it might be the story of the poetess and me in another BDSM adventure. Come back and you’ll find out.

Over and out from

Your Mistress Caisa